Disregard the Disapproval

            When we hide to nurse, we are implicitly agreeing that it is such a shameful act, we must not subject others to it. When we hide to nurse, we are isolating ourselves from the rest of the public and limiting our social interaction. When we hide to nurse, we are giving priority not to our new child and their needs, but to the illogical desire of others to make breastfeeding invisible. We are taking the blame when they make themselves uncomfortable as a result of their inability tell the difference between maternal intimacy and sexual intimacy. Let's stop doing that to ourselves and insist that those who don't wish to see babies breastfeeding learn how to simply avert their eyes. We aren't responsible for their discomfort and we need not allow responsibility for it to be placed on our shoulders.

NIP is better for baby

     All reputable experts in the field of breastfeeding tell us that feeding your baby on cue is the best way to maintain a successful nursing relationship. Nursing wherever they happen to be when their baby gives hunger cues allows moms to respond to their baby's needs in the appropriate manner, a benefit that helps them keep up their supply and ensures that their baby will receive the nutrition they need no matter where they are.

NIP helps normalize breastfeeding

     An act that is commonplace is not noteworthy. When moms nurse in public without hiding what they are doing, breastfeeding is presented as the everyday, normal parenting activity that it is. The more common it becomes to see a mother breastfeeding at the park, the grocery store, the mall or wherever they are, the less shocking it will become. Eventually, if mothers continue to behave in a confident and matter of fact way, nursing their babies while going about their everyday business, there will be no reaction to it.

Not only will nursing in public be accepted more readily if it is done more commonly, it will also help create a culture that sees nursing as the normal way to feed a baby. Upcoming generations, who observe us nursing now, will be parents one day. Their children will be much more likely to be breastfed if the new parents have grown up seeing nursing being carried out as a normal part of life.

That is why it is important that mothers all over the world nurse their babies wherever they need to, whenever they need to.

It is time to bring nursing back to normal, it is time to give each other the support and encouragement to weather any disapproval with grace and perseverance. Let the opposition squawk and chatter around us, if they must, we will quietly and confidently carry on. One day the squawk and chatter will begin to die down, and someday, it will disappear.

But I'm very shy...

     We as nursing moms have been shaped by culture as well, and sometimes it is difficult to think past the things we have been taught are truths - breasts are sexual,  breasts are to remain  private except when men choose to enjoy them in public on their terms. When we have grown up accepting these kinds of ideas, to suddenly be the owner of two breasts that are doing stuff that has nothing to do with sex or selling beer, can be a little disconcerting. It shifts around concepts in our mind that were previously given no thought at all. Especially when we are faced with a situation involving the possible exposure of what we might still feel is a sexual body part. In fact sometimes it's not even exposure that can embarrass, for some it's the idea that others will see you nursing and know the babe is suckling your nipple. That alone can be humiliating to some, after decades of believing in the breast as sexual. 

     When the idea of breasts as maternal finds its way into our mind, a conflict is set up. Are they sexual, or nurturing? Private, or as shocking as an elbow? For the first time you may entertain thoughts that run contrary to the cultural taboos surrounding breasts. You may decide that you now disagree with those taboos. Some moms find that enough to go out and NIP without a second thought. But others feel discomfort from knowing that the public in general may be opposed to seeing breastfeeding. Just as it falls on any onlookers to take responsibility for dealing with the fact that they feel uncomfortable at seeing a nursing mom, so does it fall upon the nursing mom to take responsibility for dealing with the discomfort we feel at facing a disapproving culture.

How can we get confident with nursing in public?

     One way to fortify ourselves to push past our discomfort is to find other nursing moms to connect with. Just going to a breastfeeding support group once in a while, or communicating online with other nursing moms can be very uplifting and encouraging. Look through your hospital paperwork or your phone book, and you will very likely find a breastfeeding group near you. Finding support to nurse outside your own four walls is very freeing, and each step you take with encouragement adds to your confidence.

     You don't have to start out nursing in a crowd to become an old hand at NIP. Start out slow, nurse in areas that are not in the middle of the action. For some moms this might mean getting more comfortable nursing even at home. When you first start out, practice in front of a mirror. Get feedback from friends or family, if you are concerned about what is showing. You'll be surprised that onlookers see a lot less than you can. You will soon learn to control as much as nursing moms can, how discreet you wish to be.

     I am a veteran NIPer, but I will tell you truthfully that I sometimes get a butterfly in the stomach. You probably shouldn't expect to just suddenly develop tons of confidence and never look back. There will always be a situation that challenges you. When I face a situation that is a little unnerving, I still NIP. But I fake being confident if I need to. You hear other moms say, hold your head high, you are doing the right thing. That's true, and good advice. So fake it! Put on your best Mona Lisa smile and gaze around like you own the place. Grace those who meet your eyes with a smile. Or lose yourself in your baby's eyes, and pretend you are at home in your favorite nursing spot. Pretty soon you'll get butterflies less and less often. And if they do come, you'll know what to do.

What about being discreet?                                  

     Often, even those that say they accept NIP will try to place conditions on it. "As long as its done discreetly, its fine". I dont think those people have ever experienced a wiggly toddler, or been tandeming, or any of the other zillion factors that might make a necessary nursing session less modest than those people would like. That kind of conditional acceptance discourages NIP by moms who are just learning, who have distractible or multiple babies, or who just cannot keep every scrap of skin covered at every moment. So I maintain that when it comes to the Discretion Factor there is no single right way to NIP. If you want to be discreet, be discreet. If you don't care to or just can't, then don't. 

     Since NIP is first about our children, we give priority to their needs and nurse on cue wherever we are because it is best for them. We need not give any more thought to the needs of onlookers than we wish to. We are only responsible for meeting our childs comfort needs, not those of everyone around us.

     If you choose to be discreet, there are many easy ways to accomplish this. It seems as though it may trigger a neon sign saying "Look, A Boob!!" over your head when you begin to release your breast from your nursing bra, but really, very few people will see anything but the back of your baby's head when you nurse in public. (On the other hand, a whole lot of people definitely notice when you don't nurse your hungry baby and he is proving just how healthy his lungs are!) There are ways to remain covered while nursing if you so desire.

Don't Disappear!

     When a mom chooses to be discreet while nursing in public, I encourage her to avoid becoming invisible. I'm not encouraging moms to go vastly out of their way to make sure people notice them nursing. But if you can avoid it, don't use the bathroom, dressing room, nursing room or big giant nursing tent. Don't disappear into the shadows or behind closed doors because of what the public might think. Why? Because the more moms are seen nursing babies in public, the less opposition there will be to it. When you go behind closed doors to nurse, you are reinforcing the notion that nursing is a private, taboo behavior. When you sit in public with a big nursing coverup on, you are implicitly forwarding the message, "I'm nursing and I agree that it shouldn't be seen in public". We believe the opposite is true - it should be seen in public. If we carry out our normal breastfeeding activities without hiding them, it is not only beneficial for our babies and ourselves, but will also help the upcoming generations realize the normal status of breastfeeding as just another parenting activity, as it once was and as it should be.

Know the legal stuff!

     Many states agree that breastfeeding should be seen in public and protect mothers rights to do so formally by enacting legislation making it illegal to ask a mother to leave the premises or cover up while nursing. The legislation is often accompanied by clarification that breastfeeding does not constitute public indecency, so that a mother need not worry about how much breast is exposed during breastfeeding. This enables us to go about our daily business with confidence knowing we are not only doing the right thing, but that we have legal rights and recourse should anyone violate those rights.

• Thirty-four states allow mothers to breastfeed in any public or private location (California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Minnesota, Missouri, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Utah, Texas, Vermont and Virginia).
• Fifteen states exempt breastfeeding from public indecency laws (Alaska, Florida, Illinois, Michigan, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, North Carolina, Oklahoma, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Utah, Virginia, Washington and Wisconsin).

            In states without specific breastfeeding legislation, while it is not illegal to breastfeed in public, it is important to be knowledgeable about what the laws do say, and the differences between public and private properties.

Practise Confidence to Become Confident!

     So many times, a mom says she wished she'd had a response in mind so she could have expressed herself better when asked to cover up or leave. Feeling prepared can reduce any anxiety a mom feels about being confronted with this type of request. The first thing you will want to know is whether your state protects your right to breastfeed wherever you need to. If so, you may wish to know the law so that you can help inform a person who is breaking it. I have a hard time remembering the exact name & number of the legislation so I write it down. You could also print it on business size cards and keep some in your diaper bag to give out if asked to cover up. Usually, it's enough to be able to confidently say, "It seems that you (the wait staff, the employees, or whoever) are unaware of the state's legislation that makes it illegal to ask a nursing mom to leave or cover up".

     Sometimes rehearsing an experience can make it a lot easier to deal with when it does happen. If you have friends or family who are supportive, have them roleplay the situation by pretending to be a person approaching you while you nurse. You can do this at home playfully, and have fun snapping out retorts or facts, and if the situation ever arises, you'll have the response in your mind already prepared, and you won't feel so caught offguard.

     Part of what makes being asked to leave or cover up so difficult to respond to is the rush of emotion that comes with it. Its embarrassing to most moms to be singled out and treated as if they are doing something shameful. The surprise of being approached and the anger at being the target of an unreasonable demand can spark feelings of anger in many women. It's a very emotional moment in many ways and because of that, moms may try to avoid it altogether by either finding a private spot or not NIP at all. It's just another way moms feel pressured to keep nursing hidden and to feel shame and embarrassment. I believe if we are prepared, practice what we can say, and know the laws well enough to educate others about them, we won't stress over it as much when we need to nurse our babies in public.      

If You are Told to Cover up or Leave

     Once we quiet our anxiety by knowing we are prepared and have a response at the ready, moms will want to think about what they will do next if a shop owner or other person still insists they leave or cover up. Knowing what you will do next gives you an advantage in the situation - you will remain calmer, you know where it's going to go. Your choices are varied, but knowing what you would prefer to do makes it easier to carry out your own wishes in the face of pressure to conform to someone else's. You can decide now whether you would leave and deal with it later, or stand your ground. Of course, each situation being different, you may change your mind to choose the most appropriate response during the situation, but having a plan already in mind will give you the confidence you need.

When you already know what you would say and do, the possibility of a demand to leave or cover up becomes much less stressful and will not be a factor that pressures you to find a dressing room or stay home.

         If the situation does occur, you have choices about how to respond to it after the fact. You might choose to help assure the location that discriminated against you will change their policy so that other moms wont go through what you had to. This can mean anything from a call or letter to the management, to a letter or call to the media, to the staging of a nurse-in at the place of business. Or all of the above!

Strength in Numbers

     Another action a mom can take when dealing with an anti-NIP situation is to enlist the help and support of fellow moms. In addition to seeking support locally, take your story to the web - let other moms know what happened, and they will have the opportunity to help by writing letters and finding information. There are several places online where moms come together to support breastfeeding advocacy, (the forums at Mothering.com and ProMom.org are good places to start) and they are excellent places to post requests for help with an anti-NIP situation. It is very motivating and inspiring to find a group of women who will understand what you are going through and are willing to help. It can definitely make the difference between feeling upset and defeated, and feeling strong and empowered.

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